


You Can't Go Home Again

by Armphid



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: F/M, Feels, Heartbreak, Spoilers, Talking Luminary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 10:50:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17466149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Armphid/pseuds/Armphid
Summary: After defeating Mordegon, The Lord of Shadows, the Luminary cannot rest easy and sets out again but must first face a greater challenge than the might of evil.





	You Can't Go Home Again

**Author's Note:**

> This came from a prompt totally unrelated to this fandom but it fit with my feelings. At the end of the main game, I felt thing bittersweet and that even if there wasn't a post-game, the Luminary wouldn't be able to settle back in Cobblestone. He'd seen and done too much. I also never felt any chemistry between him and Gemma; if you ship it, great, but it never fit to me at all. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

The shadows of the tall wooden palisade that ran around and through Last Bastion shrank in the light of the rising sun. The sky dark blue still but only in the west, the eastern horizon blazed with red, orange, and gold. The sun itself couldn’t be seen as the imposing spire of Cobblestone Tor hid it but the sight of the sky itself couldn’t be hidden by anything. Just a few days ago, that would not be the case. Even during the day, the sun was usually wreathed in clouds while the Lord of Shadows ruled from his Fortress of Fear. The slaying of the Spectral Sentinel Tyriant had ended the eternal gloom he had shrouded the Heliodor area in but the clouds remained. Until the resurrected Luminary and his comrades struck the force of evil down. Now the sun had truly been returned to the people of Erdrea. 

Standing in a tumbled stone ruin that had once been his childhood home, the Luminary watched the colors change. His clean, pretty features were serious as they often were. His perfect, shiny, straight jaw length locks of chestnut brown hair stirred in a faint evening breeze. His usual traveling garb was freshly cleaned and he wore it now, a mild chagrin flickering over his face at his earlier embarrassment when he realized the only spare outfit he had to wear while they were cleaned was the outrageous costume he’d worn as part of Sylvando’s parade. It was probably good though. Everyone had gotten a laugh out of it and it didn’t hurt him. Hendrik had, again, expressed his discomfort with the Luminary wearing such a thing. It would harm the Luminary’s dignity and the image people had of their hero. He’d wanted to tell the knight that having unflinching faith in their heroes and leaders was what had let Mordegon act freely while possessing King Carnelian but he didn’t. He rarely spoke and certainly not over something so petty. Jade had, however, told the older man to be quiet and let the people laugh for a change. 

A hint of a smile crossed his lips at the thought of Heliodor’s princess but it did not last long. That was over now, wasn’t it? His friends had all gone back home. Erik, his best friend and brother in all but blood, was in Snifflheim with his sister. His grandfather had left them all to brood in the ruins of Dundrasil. That had been…difficult. He knew it was unfair but the young hero still felt the old man was abandoning him. Gallant, vibrant Sylvando had reunited with his father and his parade boys in Puerto Valor and was likely being his usual mad, brilliant self there. Sweet and stalwart Serena was safe with her parents in Arborea, mourning quietly along with joy at the peace it brought. And Veronica…he lowered his head and closed his eyes for a moment. 

Jade and Hendrik had accompanied him here, back to what remained of the people of Heliodor and Cobblestone. The long-lost princess’ reunion with her father was a bittersweet one for all involved but there was more joy than sorrow, or so he thought. But that was the end of it. Hendrik would resume his service to King Carnelian. Jade would become the princess she was always meant to be and aid her father in restoring the kingdom as a whole once Cobblestone was rebuilt. They were both returned to a home each had lost in different ways. They had earned this homecoming. 

So had he. It felt good, certainly, to see his mother smile and her eyes tear up. To hear Gemma’s chatter and guileless charm. To see those he’d thought dead alive and now safe in the new age he and his friends had created. But it didn’t feel like home. He had saved his home and returned to it. But it wasn’t quite right somehow. Or perhaps he was no longer right for it. It amounted to the same thing. He had known it when he lay in his somehow still intact bed on first night of their return; this place would never really be home again. 

His mother was here and he would come and see her often. Gemma was here and he would visit his oldest friend and see her grow into the great woman she could be. Leader of the town, seamstress to those low and high, making her life blossom. But his life wasn’t here. He didn’t know where it was. He would have to find out for himself. And do so alone. His friends had earned their happy endings. Just because he was restless was no reason to ask them to leave their happiness now. 

He swung the Sword of Light over his shoulder and then slid his secondary blade through his belt. His trusty bag, magically holding a wealth of supplies and arms, already in its customary place. He then lifted the heavy canvas bag in which he kept the demonically corrupted Sword of Shadows. He wasn’t sure what to do with it and disliked having it on his person but he wasn’t about to just leave it lying around. Perhaps he should try and find a way to purify it. 

“Come on, now, rise and shine, my little-oh.” His mum’s cheery voice stopped in mid-sentence. Stout, red-haired Amber shook her head as he turned to face her. “Up and all your gear on already, are you?” Her bright blue eyes were merry and a little sad, the wisdom that often surprised those who didn’t know her gleaming in them. “And without someone having to wake you, my sleepyhead little soldier. That’s not like you. Not that you haven’t earned a long rest.” Her smile was fond and wistful, “But you’re not going to take it. Just like your granddad you are. You’re leaving again.” It was a statement rather than a question. “I understand,” she went on before he could answer. One of the reasons he didn’t talk much was that so few people gave him a chance to! “There’s still plenty of folk that need help out there, and there’s none better to help them than you. Just know your mum’ll be here for you with a hearty meal and don’t you dare forget to visit!” 

He nodded and she beamed, “My little soldier. I’m so proud of you.” Her face then grew serious and a bit stern, “But there’s one thing you have to do before you go, my dearie. It’ll be hard, but you’ve faced the Lord of Shadows. You’ve got to-“

“Gemma.” His voice was a light tenor, soft but with a firm certainty to his speech. “I know.”

She blinked, surprised at his few words. It spoke to his understanding and resolve of the situation though. Her boy didn’t talk much but when he did, he meant it. Then she nodded, “Good. I thought it might end up this way, with you leaving and being the Luminary and all.” Amber sighed, “She’s going to be right hurt, the poor dear. She might say some things she don’t quite mean but don’t you take it to heart. She and I’ll have a heart-to-heart and a right good cry and I expect she’ll be sweet as sugar when you visit us again, but you better brace yourself.” He nodded again and she echoed the motion, “Go on then, love. Later in the day won’t make it better.”

He nodded again and gave her another fleeting smile, then walked past the plump woman who would always be his Mum, biology aside. His steps carried him through the paths of Last Bastion, the camp noisier and more awake than sleepy Cobblestone would have been at this time. Even without an immediate threat, the place was still part military encampment, after all. Despite being the Luminary, his passage was little marked and no one called out to him as he went past. It bruised his ego a little after the way the folk had turned out for Hendrik back when he first arrived at Last Bastion but he tried to brush it aside. He hadn’t done any of the things he had for recognition. It didn’t matter to him that everyone had, at every destination they had traveled to, praised Hendrik before and after the World Tree fell while only the people of Arboria seemed to really celebrate him. The Luminary snorted softly; maybe if he kept telling himself that, he’d believe it one day. 

Unbidden, the memory of how Jade had smiled at and flirted with the knight after they’d been reunited in Octagonia came to his mind. How she’d thanked him for “always being there.” The first time she’d seen him after sixteen years he’d tried to kill them both. Hendrik ignored her utterly when they accidentally rescued him from Krystalinda. But the knight was the one she’d smiled at and thanked. His hand on the satchel carrying the Sword of Shadows tightened and he grimaced. Shaking his head, he pushed the memory aside. Petty jealousy. Jade was also not the woman he should be thinking about now. He sighed and his heart felt heavy. Gemma…would she ever forgive him for this? 

He found her near the fortified camp’s kitchens, their trusty canine friend Sandy at her side as she finished handing out breakfast to the last of the children. She didn’t hear or see him approach, but when Sandy looked up and let out a happy bark, the pretty teen smiled. Gemma straightened and turned to face him. Her hair was sunny and clean, held back by her head scarf, and her face was innocent and lovely. Her green dress clung to her petite figure in a way that was pleasing and flattering without making her any less wholesome. Those blue eyes shone with happiness, cheer, with affection, and more than affection towards him. His heart ached for what was going to happen between them. He didn’t want to hurt her. He loved her but not as she loved him. “That can’t be right, you being up early and all. Did you just not go to sleep?” She giggled as he shook his head, “Just that hungry then? Well, it’s not Amber’s stew but help yourself to a bowl of porridge, there’s plenty for the whole camp!” He shook his head again and she blinked, only now noticing his gear. “Oh? You’re…oh, you’re leaving again, aren’t you? You’ve only been back a few days and you were gone for two years an’ more!” 

She huffed and then shook her head, “Well, I guess we can’t hog you all to ourselves, much as I’d, uh, we’d like to. The whole world needs the Luminary.” Gemma beamed again, “I’ll see you on your way then!” The two fell into step, Sandy frisking about and ahead of them. As they walked, Gemma nattered on about how the rebuilding work was going, how nice it was to have him and Hendrik back, how beautiful but strong Princess Jade was, where she’d gotten those strange clothes, wondering how she could fight in those heels, and if she’d take it amiss if Gemma made her some authentic Cobblestone clobber. This was another reason he’d grown up so taciturn. Gemma had always talked enough for both of them! He never minded it though. It was oddly soothing. Which made him feel even worse about what was coming. 

“Here we are.” Gemma came to a halt and put her hands behind her back as they came to the last palisade beyond which lay the once relatively tamed hills of Heliodor. “You won’t be gone so long this time, will you? I…I miss you when you’re gone, you know.” Her cheeks were rosy from as she blushed. “If I asked you to stay, would you? For me?” He watched her and then opened his mouth to speak but she was already giggling, “I’m just kidding! You go on now. Just know that I’ll be waiting for you to come back. I’ll always be waiting for you.” She smiled and stood with her hands behind her back, waiting to watch him go.

This was the moment of truth. He could tell her what he should but it would be easier to just leave. Leave and hope that time and his lack of returning her affections would get his message though. But that would be a cruel thing to do to her, to waste those years of her life while she waited for him. The Luminary closed his eyes and then shook his head. “Gemma.” She blinked at the sound of his voice. “I’m glad to have your support,” he said slowly. He always felt so awkward speaking! “I know you’ll always be waiting for me, but…that’s not fair. Don’t wait on me, Gemma. Start your life.”

She tilted her head, “I’m sorry, what? I…I don’t understand what you’re saying.” 

The Luminary grimaced. This was yet another reason he didn’t talk much. He never seemed to get his point across correctly. “Start your life. Your seamstress shop. Get married,” his cheeks pinkened a little, “have children.”

Her blue eyes blinked a few times and she looked at him as though he’d just sprouted feathers. “What do you mean? I will do all that. When you come back, then it’ll be you and me, happily ever after.” Her voice was earnest and there was a note of desperation in it. Maybe she’d understood him after all.

He looked down and closed his eyes a moment. Then he looked back at her, “Not with me.”

She gasped and took a step back, one of her hands on her chest, “What are you saying? That’s…no, we’re going to be together! You and me, forever, that’s how it’s-it’s supposed to be!” Her eyes shimmered faintly as she began to tear up. “I’ve been waiting all this time, for you!”

“I know.” He suddenly felt weary. All the weight of the world on his shoulders and it was this that made him feel weak and fatigued. “I’m sorry. I’ll come back to visit Cobblestone, and I’ll always want to see you, always come if you need me. I love you like a sister. But I won’t live here again. And I won’t marry you.”

She flinched as if struck. “You…how can you say that? After all our lives together, everything we’ve shared? All the hopes and prayers I poured out for you? And…and you just-“ She cut herself off with a sob. The first tears started down her cheeks. “You’re supposed to be mine! To return to me, for me to make your home and welcome you! I’ve wanted that for so long!” 

He shook his head, “I’m sorry. I don’t feel that way, Gemma. And I don’t owe you my love or marriage.”

“Don’t you?” Her hands trembled but were balled into fists. “You…you’ve changed! Gone all…naughty! Got some other girl out there, don’t you? Or-or going for that “puff-puff” in every town? Oh, I’ve heard what it’s like out there! After all I’ve done and dreamed, with all my heart!” The hurt was obvious on her face and her voice wavered and wobbled. “You’re no hero! You’re not the person I thought you were!”

He turned around and started to walk away, “No. I’m not the person you want me to be. I’m sorry, Gemma. I wish it were like that. I hope you can forgive me.” 

“Don’t bet on it, you-you jerk!” Even in her rage and heart break, that was the most cutting insult she could hurl. “Go on, then! If that’s how it’s going to be, then-then I don’t care if you _ever_ come back!” He heard her running away, her voice breaking into wracking sobs. He heard Sandy whine and then run after her, the sounds of them both growing fainter.

He sighed. He hoped she would forgive him in time. But he wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. Well, it was done. He could go out into the world and keep being the Luminary. There were still monsters to fight. People still needed help to rebuild. So he would go and help them, strike down the threats that still existed even without the Lord of Shadows. Alone now. Maybe the rest of his life. Even in the great cities of the world and surrounded by people, he’d be alone. Only the friends who had stood beside him could really understand and know him and they had moved on with their lives. So should he.

In his own mind, he knew he was being melodramatic. But he was still a teenager, world saving hero or not. He walked on, not really paying attention to where he was going. It was good that he and Hendrik had so thoroughly cleaned this region of monsters. He was brought out of his melancholy reverie by chattering rush of running water and further away the soft roar of the falls. He looked up to find himself standing at Cobblestone Falls. The great triangular stone where Chalky had hidden the letters that had started him on his journey was nearby. He almost smiled. It was fitting he’d come here, wasn’t it? His gaze rose above them to where Yggdrasil floated in the sky once more. His heart rose a bit looking at it, even as it still ached from his conversation with Gemma and his loneliness. He felt a little guilty then. What right did he have to feel bad about anything? Erdrea was alive again and the future was bright. Despite that thought, his brooding mood refused to lift.

The youth’s blue eyes widened a hair as he heard the sound of approaching feet. He looked back and blinked in surprise. Beautiful and lush, her elegant and stunning features thoughtful, her black hair shining with the sun’s glory, Jade’s arms were crossed under her ample breasts. Her purple eyes were mysterious as she looked at him. She had changed back into the outfit he’d first seen her in; the green halter top and long half skirt over the snug sleeveless back shirt and shorts, her tall green leather boots well worn and cared for. She raised an eyebrow at his questioning look and tipped her head to one side; the gesture acknowledging his surprise and dismissing it with amusement. The deadly warrior princess stood by him for a moment, joining him in looking at the far-off World Tree. “You didn’t think you’d just slip off, did you?”

He smiled a little and nodded, blushing faintly. She seemed a bit pleased for a moment or two and then turned to face him, “…I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I…heard what went on between you and that girl.” He sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head. Her eyes sparkled but he could not read the emotions in them. “It was very brave. Even after everything I’ve ever seen, it was one of the bravest things I’ve seen you do. It was also the right thing to do.” She seemed to weigh something in her mind and then reached out to place a hand on his right arm, “I’ve been on your side of that conversation before. More than once some village boy or someone I’d fought fell for me and I had to let them down. Even though I didn’t care for them, it was hard to do something I knew would hurt them. When you’re as close as you and that girl clearly are…I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been. But it was the right thing to do. I’m proud of you.”

His pretty face colored more deeply but he gave her a sad, little smile and his eyes were brighter. “Thank you. From you that means…” He shook his head, not finding a word potent enough. He lifted his left hand and placed it over hers on his arm. 

Jade’s sun bronzed cheeks were the ones stained scarlet now. She then smiled and gave his arm a squeeze before withdrawing her hand. The two of them turned back to gaze again at Yggdrasil, standing closer than they were before. After a moment, she spoke again, “She was right about one thing, in a way. You will need to marry, and probably soon. There’s still a lot of danger we’ll have to face in sorting out the world. Clearing out the monsters to rebuild Heliodor, let alone Dundrasil.” He glanced at her; how had she known his of his half-formed idea to reclaim his ancestral home? And what was she saying about marriage? “The line of Luminary must go on. Besides,” she looked over at him and her eyes were both sly and vulnerable even as she was once again blushing, “I already told you, didn’t I? I’m never letting you go again.” 

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Jade smirked and looked away from him. The young man stared. Had she just…

“Princess! Luminary! There you are!” The ringing baritone of Hendrick rolled out over the valley of the falls as he strode towards them from the path. He shook his head, his mane of purple hair following the motion, “Princess, I have procured the items you thought best to take along, though we have many already. But it is best to be prepared.” The huge, broad shouldered man moved to the pretty youth’s other side. “And you, I have not forgotten my oath. I remain your sword, your shield, your boon companion, to the end!”

“Oh, so serious, Hendrik honey!” All three of them turned as one in surprise to see flamboyant, fabulous Sylvando coming down the path that led to the Manglegrove. The Luminary gasped as he saw the short, stout figure of his grandfather trudging along in the performer’s wake with a placid smile on his face. The athletic self-proclaimed jester pranced up to them, Rab alongside. “We’ve all been through too much to just stay away from our friends! Besides, even with that naughty Lord of Shadows gone, there’s still a lot of work to do to bring back everyone’s smiles!”

“Aye,” Rab nodded. The old man looked at his grandson and Jade fondly, “And there’s nowhere left for this auld man than by yer side, laddie. I’ve grieved long enough. There’s still enough life if these auld bones t’ see what world ye make.” He caught his descendant’s eyes and nodded; the youth suddenly having a feeling that he didn’t just mean his duties as Luminary. 

“That’s our cue.” The gathering jumped as Erik’s confident, cool voice sounded behind them. The blue haired thief grinned as they turned to see him beside slender, artfully lovely Serena who looked adorably pleased that they’d managed to sneak up on the group. “Tell them, Serena.”

“Yes!” The magical musician pressed her hands together in front of her, “The people of Arboria want to honor you, Luminary, and all of us, for defeating the Lord of Shadows and bringing hope back to the world, and to honor Veronica.” She beamed and the day seemed to brighten somehow. “There’s going to be a celebration tomorrow and we’re all the guests of honor! Isn’t it wonderful?”

“I know you’re eager to get going on rebuilding the world,” Erik said, “and checking out that weird blue light we saw flying back on Cetecea.” He shook his head and gestured with one hand, “But we’ve earned a little fun, don’t you think?”

Sylvando struck a post, hands clasped together, “Oh, we so have. Let’s go, darlings!” 

The Luminary looked around at his friends. His blue eyes were bright as he looked over them, his eyes briefly meeting Jade’s. He smiled. “Yes.”


End file.
